Review - Dead Mary (2007) by Zoe Butcher


A recently separated couple head off to a woodland retreat with a group of friends. As everyone in the group seems to have been fucking each other the atmosphere grows somewhat strained and they decide to lighten the mood (!?) by playing a game of ‘Dead Mary’. This idea is exactly as bad as it sounds.

****

Now I'm all for Canadian horror films, think Gingersnaps, American Mary etc, but this was a fucking shocker by any country’s standards. For a start they couldn't use the original title of ‘Bloody Mary’ because that name is copyright in Japan (seriously Japan? What the fuck) so they had to change the name of the film and the name of the urban legend therein. This is the first in a series of epic fuck-ups that ruined what could have potentially been a decent movie.

What else was wrong with this movie? Well the characters were pretty unsympathetic from the start, you had a massively over-long sequence of them just bitching about each other and dealing with their emotional problems (about which not a single fuck is given) before you even get to the part where someone decides ‘ooh this is getting awkward, let’s summon an evil face chewing witch to calm things down a bit’. Really? That’s your plan?? I mean we've all been tempted to do that during a particularly difficult family dinner but c'mon, you couldn't have just started drinking or something instead? That’s what the rest of us do.


This movie also failed to clearly define its bad guy. Was she a witch? Demon? What? As far as I can tell she turns up, chews people, they die, then they reanimate and start slagging off their friends and revealing personal secrets. She can also apparently possess people and only be destroyed by fire. Which the friends seem to just work out randomly with no actual thought whatsoever.

The plot was all over the place and the characters made ridiculous decisions for no good reason. Take the fact that they know that Dead Mary is either possessing Eve or Lily. So what do they do? Well clearly the rational decision is to tie up Lily and lock her in the cottage whilst leaving Eve free to randomly wander around killing people. Uh ok. Still better than one of the characters’ ideas ‘ooh I know let’s chop off her hand and see what happens’ – right, that’ll help.

The only thing worse than the plot in this movie was the ending. I can only presume the production ran out of time/money and they had to end it as quickly as possible because, as far as lame endings go, it was the fucking worst I have seen in a long while. I won’t ‘spoil’ it for you because you, like me, may have nothing better to watch on Netflix one day and decide to sit down and watch this. But don’t say I didn't warn you!


Rating: 2 reanimated corpses out of 10. And THAT’S generous.

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