Haddonfield Horror's X-Mas Feast - Blood Diner
The film follows two brothers and their uncle, who happens to be a talking pickled brain in a jar. They are on a mission to summon the goddess Shetar by constructing her a body out of the parts of women they murder. In the meantime, they run a vegetarian diner and feed their sexy lady off-cuts to their unsuspecting patrons.
This is a film that gives us a naked cheerleader aerobics class massacre, naked karate, a rival diner owner who relies on a ventriloquist’s dummy, deep fried fingers, a deep fried head, said deep friend head getting knocked off by a shovel. All of this culminates in an astonishing musical finale featuring a band of Hitlers. And let’s not forget the wrestling subplot and the fat guy that just won’t die, no matter how many times he’s run over by a truck blasting mambo music.
Herein lies the film’s genius. While most exploitation films are defined by a few singular memorable moments, this film is all memorable moments. It sustains a level of drink-your-own-urine insanity throughout. It never bores, never feels hackneyed and keeps surprising you with each new bonkers turn of events.
What makes this film even more noteworthy is its Director Jackie Kong. She is not only a female director, but a female horror director. A female exploitation horror director. A female exploitation horror director working in the eighties for that matter. Mad props to you, Ms Kong. Check out her wonderfully retro website and instantly improve your day.
Blood Diner never got a single DVD release, although it does feature in some dodgy looking horror DVD compilations. This is a shame because this is a film that deserves a large cult following. Not because it’s so bad that its good, but because its sheer inventiveness will make your forgive the film all of its ineptitude.
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Image: 366weirdmovies.com & IMDb