What do an actress, a religious zealot, a renegade, a coed, a model, a singer, a medium, a real-estate investor, a historian and a doctor have in common? They’re all stuck in a haunted mansion where most are naked for no apparent reason, spout a bunch of philosophical and religious nonsense and die one by one.
It should be noted that TEN was the official selection at numerous film festivals and has been hailed as “entertaining, intellectual and artistically bold” and has even been accused of “looking to subvert audience expectations.” Clearly, this little piggy doesn’t agree with the critics and can’t help but wonder if I saw the same movie they did. As stated previously, this is a beautiful looking film and has some moments of clever cinematography. The wardrobe was very era appropriate as was the makeup and body hair. Yes, I said body hair. There is an excruciatingly long scene where one of our ladies disrobes after being drugged and then proceeds to assault all of the other women with verbal barbs and as the bodies begin to pile up, they are all lined up in the attic sans clothing. There is an entire side story involving Russian’s and people having qualities that can save the world, but it really doesn’t matter because it’s simply far too difficult to concentrate on anything outside of the acting. Yes, in independent films one cannot expect a bunch of Helen Mirrens, but every single actress seems to be giving us her very first acting performance. What’s worse than that is I am keenly aware of other actors whose very first performance was leaps and bounds better than a lot of those seen in Ten. Who knows, maybe the poor acting was all part of the retro horror package and it’s all so very above my head that I just don’t get it. You know what? I’m fine with that. The only thing I got out of this movie was an epically exhausting eye rolling workout.
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