Director: Justin Timpane
Writers: Justin Timpane
Stars: Daniel Ross, Cory Okouchi, Dan Guy
It's in the title...Sadly not the title of what could be a very compelling Supreme Court Case, Ninjas v. Monsters is more like an exercise in stoner logic. You know the saying “high when I wrote it, sober when I spoke it?” I can’t quite point to the origins of such an indelible phrase, but it sure does apply to the fast-paced, potty-mouthed flick that is exactly what the title suggests. (And this one is apparently the 4th or 5th, and billed as the finale, in a long-running “franchise.”) The premise: A group of ninjas is tasked to fight the classic horror monsters – Frankenstein, the Mummy, and Count Dracula – from taking over the earth and unleashing hordes of zombies and demons to destroy humanity.
I feel high writing this.
But hey, I knew exactly what I was getting into when watching this movie. It’s as self-aware as the long-running Supernatural, with sexist humor and pop culture references ingrained in its pithy dialogue. But Sam and Dean can’t go beyond saying “ass-hat” or “bitch;” our ninjas speak the language of Quentin Tarantino on acid.
And that’s a good thing.
For one would be very surprised how fun this movie is, and I was very sober and attentive for each frame. Sure, the movie has the quality and budget of a soft-core porno on Cinemax, but the dialogue works. And damn these actors can fight! The stunts and roundhouse kicks could make Tony Jaa blush, and his movies are nacho cheesy (OK, so was that sentence, but irony runs through my veins thanks to the ninjas).
The movie is also really, REALLY violent, and I can’t help but see echoes of Deadpool and the lesser known, but equally fun Deathstroke as an inspiration for the fight scenes. Where else does one get the idea of following up a roundhouse kick to the chest with a stab to the leg and shotgun to the face? An uncanny straight-out-of-the-comics move that is fun as it surprising for us and the guy receiving said roundhouse, stab, and shotgun blast.
So fans of action, horror, and Mary Jane, look for that moment of clarity where you relearn how to use your remote controls to rent (or steal) movies and give Ninjas v. Monsters a chance in hell before, as the film suggests, hell gets you. If there was ever a reason to escape logic by watching a movie that certainly defies it, this movie is for you.
Images courtesy of Bounty Films